YOU ARE NOT ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN!!

Have you ever felt like you were on the outside looking in? Face pressed against the windowpane intently watching and wishing you were a part of what was happening? Have you ever been the soul stripped bare? Watching as people smile, connect, and live around you? Eyes lifted up and heart bowed low. Have you ever poured your life into something only to have all of your dreams shattered? I have and it hurts.....

WE know that God promises to work ALL things together for the good of those that He called according to HIS purpose and conform us into the image of Christ. When pain and turmoil strike the soul and circumstances don’t match to what you think they should. What is your response? Do you allow bitterness and anger (which defiles others around) to engulf you? Do you add up your losses? Or do you turn your eyes to the Maker of heaven and earth, trusting that somehow; He is going to use this, YES THIS, to conform you more into His image. 

If there is one thing that I have learned in the past couple of years of my life; it is to hold everything loosely, yet delicately. It All belongs to Him so it has value..... Also, God is not here to fulfill our expectations. That might sound harsh and I truly don’t mean for it to. This is what He has shown me to be true; that His ways are higher than our ways, and His understanding so much higher than our understanding. If He directs, moves, and cuts ties to the place your dreams were born; how tightly will you grip? If He leads you in another direction, will you follow? Can you stand outside of yourself with a span so much broader than your limited view and see a Kingdom being built for His glory. Soul stripped I write this and cling to His promises. 

If He is for me who could ever be against me? That He is able to do exceedingly abundantly more than we could ever ask, that He has plans not to harm us, but rather for a future and a hope. 

So where do we go from here?

I lift up my eyes to the hills.

From where does my help come?

My help comes from the LORD,

who made heaven and earth.

(Psalm 121:1-2 ESV)

Restore to me the joy of your salvation,

and uphold me with a willing spirit.

(Psalm 51:12 ESV)

The heart of man plans his way,

but the LORD establishes his steps.

(Proverbs 16:9 ESV)

It has been hard to realize that I was never on the outside looking in rather being prepared for a new work. God is interested in conforming us into His image. Let me be the first to say that this is not the easiest place to be but it is the very best place to be. Simply clay in the potters hands.

Home for a while

Fellowship Missionary-

Ahh, the familiarity. This is the church that the Lord used to speak to my dead soul for the very first time 6 and a half years ago. I remember sitting in my chair wiggling around as GOD spoke directly to me. I wouldn’t expect anything less 6 and half years later. This was also the very first church that I ever brought Jon to in the process of the Lord Jesus calling and wooing him out of the world 4 and half years ago. Deep roots have been set here.

I whisper to Jon as we walk into the sanctuary that I was sitting in the back row when I first heard Gods voice. He says “lets sit there, maybe we will hear Him today” in a joking fashion. As we look up, one of our most favorite saints is standing there smiling at us with his beautiful family. Hugs are exchanged and whispered promises to get together and catch up on where we are on this journey are made (they are being fulfilled this Wednesday). The worship has started and an energetic 70 plus lady is dancing down the aisles singing “hallelujah” and praise you Lord”. We quickly find our seats, second to back row.

We are engaged and the Holy Spirit is moving. Announcements are made and the pastor approaches after a beautiful video testimony of a young man whose life had been flipped turned upside down by the glorious grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Quickly we get into the text about Josephs life. Truth resonates as the pastor reads and teaches from the scripture. The power of the Holy Spirit is mending and binding inside me. I look over at Jon, whose eyes are filled with tears as the beautiful truths of our God Almighty pour over us. I whisper "I think I can call this home for a while."

We gather our children from the kind childrens ministry workers and run into people we know from BC (before Christ) and after. Such a joyous celebration. We end our precious afternoon at Granite City eating brunch and then home for cuddles and naps. Thank you Lord Jesus for Sabbath rest and cuddles!!!

A New Season

As many of you know Jon and I have felt the leading of the Lord Jesus to leave Gospel Community. We’ve prayed, many conversations have taken place, and we have walked through that open door. One thing MUST be said…I am eternally grateful for the precious season of life that we had there. The Lord took a chance with us and allowed us to pour ourselves into this church plant and was faithful to bring servants that are very gifted to fill any void that there may be in our decision to leave. With that being said…..

We are moving into a new season of our life. Jon is calling that my buzz word I am all about the “seasons” of life right now. In this season we will be looking for the body in Fort Wayne that God wants us to be apart of. I want to blog this spiritual journey that God has us on.

Pine Hills Church-

            Excitement dances in our chests as we pull into the parking lot. I look at Jon as none of this is familiar and say “this is weird.” We get out and walk into a mass of people. Very friendly people, that before that day I never knew existed. There are smiles and handshakes. A precious sister in the Lord sees our faces looking around. I am sure looking a little lost and helpless, she quickly comes to our aid and helps us get the boys checked in. People are standing everywhere talking and there is excitement in the air, only I am not sure what I am feeling yet, overwhelmed. We take the kids back to their classes to very cute little rooms with smiling Sunday school teachers waiting for them. Salty wet tears begin to stream down my face and I need to find the bathroom, only I have never been here before so I don’t know where the bathroom is.

Jon is waiting for me when I come out of the bathroom. We take each other’s hands and walk into the sanctuary. Oh joy; familiar faces!! Jon sees Dustin Wegner and I see Brenda Geiser. We stop and chat and then find our seats. As I look around at the congregation, again I am overwhelmed. This particular building is to say the least, beautiful. Very appealing to the eyes. The lights dim and the worship team starts to play. Again, I think how wonderful the music is and I am somehow not able to sing. Inside of me I know that we are all just broken people and yet this is all very well put together.

God gently begins drawing me into worship. Beautiful songs and truths, sang by broken people. I still can’t sing I just stand there with my hands held up letting these truths go into my soul and raising them up to HIM!!

The Pastor comes up after worship is over and announces that they are taking a break from the book they have been studying. He goes on to say that we are going to watch a video of a family that is soon departing for Mali, Africa. Be still my soul. My mind quickly goes to my desire to be a missionary in a foreign land. But I silence the thought and focus my attention on this precious family. They share their God story of how He opened every door for them. I sit there in quiet excitement for all the things that these precious saints are going to experience with Jesus and the Yulankan people.

The pastor comes back up and gives a brief sermon on the great commission and again I am stirred to want to drop everything and go wherever He calls me to go. Though at least for right now it seems He wants me in Fort Wayne, Indiana. But there is that sliver of hope that I cannot put to rest that maybe, just maybe, He might be preparing to send my family to a place where He is working on the hearts of the people to know HIM. About this time the pator calls this family up and the elders lay hands on them. My heart is the same heart beat as theirs. I am just praying so hard for the work that Jesus is preparing for them and my mind slips to the reality of discouragements, warfare, doubts, and I just pray harder!!!!!

The service ends…as we drive away from the first in our many churches to visit, I am just so excited about the work that our precious Lord is doing around Fort Wayne. I then span out even broader and think of the whole world and I am humbled to bear His name. To call Him my God!!

Jon and I chit chat about the fire that has been reignited in our souls to serve Him in a foreign land. For now we pray and serve Him faithfully in Fort Wayne, Indiana…. Never the less we were reminded of the precious desire He has hidden deep within us.



For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 ESV)

It's At Your Feet

It’s At Your Feet

Oh Dark night of my soul, My bones are aching, everything seems so out of control, it hurts just to breathe in, the pain is so excruciating, my mouth is in the dust, but you won’t leave there oh Lord with no hope

It’s at Your feet, that’s where I find forgiveness

It’s at Your feet, that’s Where I find love

It’s at Your feet, that’s where I find peace

It’s at Your feet, that’s where Your Spirit leads me

I hunger and I thirst for Your righteousness, when this old clay vessel dries up, I come and drink from the well that never ends, I trust in Your faithfulness oh Lord, You never let me down, my mouth is in the dust, you won’t leave  me there without  any hope.

It’s at Your feet, that’s where I find forgiveness

It’s at Your feet, that’s Where I find love

It’s at Your feet, that’s where I find peace

It’s at Your feet, that’s where Your Spirit leads me