She shared something that hit me in the heart. She said God asked her after she had been through all of that suffering, "AM I worthy? Am I worthy to suffer for?" What a question coming from the ONE who paid the price for our sins, and suffered for us.
By the end of the video I was in tears. Her heart was so tender and yielded to Jesus. I wanted to be like her...but I'm not even close. I was CHALLENGED by her ability to let go of the things that had happened to her. The world teaches us a different philosophy...but what I realized is that she was trusting the God of Redemption, Resurrection, and Revelation. I asked myself...Do I really trust GOD in this area of my life? The answer was no. But I wanted to.
As New Years approached I began praying about what God would be working on in my life in the year to come. I Kept hearing Him say 3 words Death, Obedience, and Consecration. HEAVY!!! Certainly He must have something much lighter for me...RIGHT? I was sharing with a friend some personal things I was going through. She suggested that I read Romans 12:1.
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.
It was like a twinge of light bursting forth into an area of darkness. It reminds me of the verse in Psalm 119...Your word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light upon my path. A few days later I ordered one of Helen Roseveare's books, Living Sacrifice, based on Romans 12:1. Thanks to Amazon Prime I had it my hands two days later!
As she shares the lessons that God taught her on the mission field, one particular story stood out above the rest to me. She had promised to help a missionary family bring their first baby into the world. As the time approached she was struck with illness (MALARIA AND JAUNDICE). She reached out to the couple and asked them to please come to her. She explained that she had been sick and that she was not up to traveling. She was met with the couples annoyance and they demanded that she fulfill her original agreement. She agreed that she would travel to them...but she was angry. Why didn't they care about her, why were they only thinking of themselves...
Her leader who had been watching her wrestle through this shared his very discerning observation with her. He said, "Helen, you need to learn that what God teaches you in your own circumstances about yourself, is to help you to understand others and to see things from their points of view." He went on to encourage her to let go of the grievance and DIE to herself and allow the Lord to bless her.
She struggled with this because she had been misunderstood and judged.
As I read it even I thought it was UNFAIR....
Unfair...what a word. The Lord started replaying different memories in my life where I felt people had been unfair. Times that I had been mistreated or hurt and He gave me an invitation to die. He gave me an invitation to give up my RIGHTS. As a Woman living in America in the 21st century I have been raised to understand my RIGHTS. But as a CHRISTIAN who belongs to an Eternal Kingdom...do I understand that God has THE RIGHT to ask me to sacrifice and suffer (how little or how much is up to HIM) for His name?
Unfair...what a word. The Lord started replaying different memories in my life where I felt people had been unfair. Times that I had been mistreated or hurt and He gave me an invitation to die. He gave me an invitation to give up my RIGHTS. As a Woman living in America in the 21st century I have been raised to understand my RIGHTS. But as a CHRISTIAN who belongs to an Eternal Kingdom...do I understand that God has THE RIGHT to ask me to sacrifice and suffer (how little or how much is up to HIM) for His name?
That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.
Philippians 3:10
As I sit in my home filled with luxuries and comforts and enjoy my health, marriage, friendships, and freedom I am being met with the Holy Spirit asking me, "Am I worthy?"
I'm not sure what sacrifices he will ask me to make. But as Corrie Ten Boom said "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known GOD."
