Death that brings Life

I’ve struggled to find the words to what birthed in my soul the day that my dad died.  Death, that brought life. Kind of an oxymoron, but exactly what my Heavenly Father said. HE who loses his life will find his life.

 As I held the hands of the man that at one point held my tiny little frame. The man who took part in my creation, breathing his last breathes as he prepared to be held in the eternal arms of the one who created him. Worlds collide.  I watched as the eternal reached down into the temporal with love, grace, and tenderness. Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints. Perfect words, precious. Delicate moments held by time. I whisper to my dad  “ It’s okay dad, I’m going to be okay. Go be with Jesus. He will take care of me until I see you again.” His eyes are opened wide gazing with fear and awe as he gazes at what awaits him. He isn’t looking at the tiles in the ceiling. A curtain between this world and the heavenly realms has been opened. He is being ushered into the presence of GOD ALMIGHTY!! Death gives birth to life.

The machine is chirping because his heart has stopped. My hand is raised high as I realize that I am standing on HOLY ground. The nurses are rushing in. Relief and grief swim in my soul!! They dance in unison to the complexity of human emotion.  I cry, I remember. Little snapshots play through my head all day. I can still feel the warmth of his forehead on my hand.

Jon and I laugh and cry. We embrace much more this day. Our hands keep finding one another. We grieve together with Love and Hope at the center. We look at one another with new eyes. Depths in the soul, that were not there just days before. We hold one another just a little longer than usual.

Suddenly life’s color is sharp and the brevity is very clear. All things that were skewed are brought into perfect focus. We are sojourners just passing through a foreign land. Life is a vapor. Like the dew on the grass, there in the morning gone by the afternoon. My eyes were opened along with his!!!

John 12

24Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.