A little Honesty

I want to take a minute to be really honest with you all. For the past 9 months I have went through depths of depression and despair that I never knew existed. Honestly, I have always been someone who tries to see good, during this time however I felt hopeless. I have always been the type of person who could just change my mind and this time I couldn't. I sat alone, or so it felt. Even when I met with people I just couldn't connect. I began to get angry that no one saw this in me. If I would not have had Jackson and Judah I am not sure that I would have even gotten out of bed most days. I would go days in my pajamas and without showers.I just didn't care.

I remember one day my sweet next door neighbor saying to me "change your clothes girl." For anyone who knows me, this is NOT normal. I love getting dressed up and I love make up and clothes. I have since I was a wee little girl.

During this time I became VERY disciplined in reading my bible and praying. I really always have spent time in the word daily but it became a necessity as I felt I had no strength to get through the day.I lost my father in January, left our church in March, and moved into a new house (which had major mold problems) in June. I felt as though I lost most of what was dear to me. In this time, in complete brokenness of the soul, the Lord Jesus tenderly ministered to me. He was not rough. He did not command me to get back to work, He did not bludgeon me with scripture,  rather He beckoned me to His throne of grace, He taught me of His faithfulness, He showed me that even when I lost everything He was still there and He was still GOOD, that He will never leave me or forsake me. I am sure that you can imagine in a pit of despair when no one is helping you out the thoughts that you can have. He extended massive amounts of Grace. He walked with me, lets be real, He carried me through the valley.

Nine months has passed since my dad left this earth. I miss him greatly!! I long for the day that I see him again and everything that was wrong will be made right. Thanks to the precious bond that we have in Jesus. My husband and I have found a wonderful bible teaching church. Honestly when we first started attending I just cried through the sermons. Thanking God for truth and purity of His word and the anointing of the pastor to teach our hungry souls. God moved us out of the moldy house and hand provided a home that we will be moving into very soon, our loan has gone through and we close tomorrow!!!

It as  feel as though I have walked through the dessert or a valley. I am just on the edge of it looking back to the precious things that I learned. I have to honestly say that I have learned that joy and peace come only through the Lord Jesus Christ.Our souls can only be fully satisfied in him. As we learn more and more that this world hold nothing for us we begin to let go, pry our fingers off and say to the Father " What do YOU want with my life? It is yours".