Come like the Rain again...

When Spring hits the forests and fields of Indiana, there is great rejoicing in my soul. I'm learning to see winter with new eyes...but oh how I love the buds and blossoms of Spring. New LIFE! This particular Spring God impressed this verse upon me....

Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord;
    his going out is sure as the dawn;
he will come to us as the showers,
    as the spring rains that water the earth.”
                      Hosea 6:3

You see, I have spent the last 6 years in a winter season of my soul. That's half of my walk with Jesus. What are some adjectives that describe winter? Here are some that I found on the internet..
~barren
~biting
~dark
~depressing
~gray
~harsh
~long
~relentless
~bleak
~isolating
~lonely
~unending

When your soul feels barren, dark, isolated...and the season feels unending...you've got no choice but to cling to God and His promises. 

He promises to never leave us. He promises never to forsake us. He promises that we can take heart because he has overcome the world...He promises to refresh and renew those who wait upon Him. He promises to comfort the broken hearted. He promises to bind up our wounds. He promises to give strength to the weary. He promises to gives us beauty for Ashes. He promises to give us a garment of praise, instead of a faint Spirit.

Friends... He promises to come like the Spring rain again to your parched and barren soul that has weathered the long winter.

After days and days of relentless bitter cold, the first warm Spring rain brings PROMISE. Promise to AWAKEN everything that was lying dormant through the  winter.

Dormancy is a state in which a plant exhibits little to no growth. Dormancy is used as a means to to SURVIVE unfavorable conditions. The plants roots are still ALIVE. It's actually a means to protect the plant and keep it alive. 

Oh How Creation Speaks of it's Creator.

So friends, I've moved into a new Season. A season of new life and Spring Rain! If you are still in the Winter season...Hold on! He will come to you like the Rain again....

What does Spring promise...
~abloom
~active
~alive
~blossoming
~energized
~flourishing
~growing
~Rainy
~refreshing

May the Lord come to you as the Fresh Spring Rain!

Do you SEE this woman?

While on vacation I was given an opportunity to share at a Christian Crisis Center for women and children. It was kind of last minute, so I didn't have anything prepared. As I prayed about what to share God strongly impressed Luke 7:36-50, The Sinful Woman. I absolutely LOVE this account! As a new believer,  I had a pastor identify me with the woman in this story, a Sinful woman with a sordid past. He couldn't identify with me, because he didn't see his sin as bad as mine. He had lived an "upright" life.

I was truly taken aback. I thought we had ALL fallen short of the glory of God.That was my understanding of the GOSPEL. That was my first run in with a modern day Pharisee. I reminded him that we are ALL that sinful woman in light of a Holy God. When we see our sin properly in light of who Jesus is, we are broken, we see our need for forgiveness, and our inadequacy.

My heart for the precious women in that center was to point them to El Roi, the God that SEES them. The God that sees past all their walls and pain. The God that sees past their sordid reputations. The God that was broken hearted when they were used and abused. The God that shed his blood for their every sin, however little or great it was.

I love when Jesus asks Simon the Pharisee, "Do you SEE this woman?"
Because all Simon could see was the scarlet of her sin, a prostitute, a label...
He couldn't see her humanity. He saw a lower class woman who sold her body for money. He saw no value in her whatsoever.

It was so neat to see the women come Alive as I shared this with them. It was beautiful to see tears well up in their eyes as they processed how Jesus dealt with this woman. HE SAW HER! HE FREED HER! HE DEFENDED HER! He empowered her. He gave her hope. He loved HER!

I wonder if these women have EVER been SEEN? It was a beautiful sight to watch the Holy Spirit minister God's truth to their hearts and to point them to the ONE who SEES them.

So friends, I gladly identify with The Sinful woman. The true worshipper of Jesus. The broken woman washing Jesus's feet with her tears, kissing the beautiful feet that had brought her freedom. The woman that  poured out expensive oil on Jesus's  feet, unveiling her glory (her hair) and wiping his feet with it, demonstrating that HE ALONE deserves GLORY!!!!

Today...I'll write.

When I was in 2nd grade, I remember getting lost in the art of writing. I loved creating, allowing my imagination to come out on paper. I would sit at my moms type writer and write out short stories. The first story I remember writing was about these silly monsters. They weren't scary at ALL, just very silly. As I reached my teen years, I absolutely fell in love with poetry. There was something so deep about it. Poetry was able to ignite feelings in me that other forms of art couldn't. In my early twenties I finally decided it was okay to let the world around me know that I could SING. My writing morphed into song writing. Little lyrical poems. I found such happiness in putting pen to paper. Hours would go by as I was lost creating something from deep inside of my soul.

When I became a christian, this art was set to the side. I needed to get to know the CREATOR, THE ONE who made me in His image. Slowly, as I grew in Understanding His word, I began to write songs about Him. As I grew spiritually, I found it hard to enjoy writing. I wondered why. Maybe its because I was insecure, Maybe it was because it FELT much deeper than anything I had ever experienced while in the world, Maybe it's because I couldn't find the words to describe Him. All the adjectives, and experiences that I had, just seems mediocre when I penned them. There was just something missing. I felt much more careful with my thoughts. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of rejection. I'm sure its a cocktail of ALL of these things, intermingling, like a Dam in my soul.

Two of my favorite writers are, Novelist Francine Rivers, and Song Writer John Mark McMillan. They've got it!!!! When I read their writing, It's SOUL shaking! They've broken the levy and living waters flow from them. When I read through the Psalms, I desire to be honest and emotional, pouring out everything inside. But it's like a levy that just won't break.

So, I've committed to writing daily. I've committed to posting weekly.

I wonder if its been a long dry season because writing is something that I have not fully surrendered to Jesus. Like it was something that was just ALL mine...I've prayed for the last 12 years for God to open up the floodgates. Today I'm surrendering this gift to Him, may He use me and grow me...Like a whittled arrow, In His hands.

An Invitation to die...

On December 7th, the anniversary of the day I gave my life to Christ 11 years ago, I saw a youtube video on a friends facebook  titled, "Why does a God of love allow suffering." I was intrigued, so I clicked on the video. I was not prepared for the testimony that was unwoven before me. Helen Roseveare was a medical missionary in The Congo. She was kidnapped, beaten, and raped. If anyone was qualified to teach on the topic of suffering, she certainly had the credentials.

She shared something that hit me in the heart. She said God asked her after she had been through all of that suffering, "AM I worthy? Am I worthy to suffer for?" What a question coming from the ONE who paid the price for our sins, and suffered for us. 

By the end of the video I was in tears. Her heart was so tender and yielded to Jesus. I wanted to be like her...but I'm not even close. I was CHALLENGED by her ability to let go of the things that had happened to her. The world teaches us a different philosophy...but what I realized is that she was trusting the God of Redemption, Resurrection, and Revelation. I asked myself...Do I really trust GOD in this area of my life? The answer was no. But I wanted to. 

As New Years approached I began praying about what God would be working on in my life in the year to come. I Kept hearing Him say 3 words Death, Obedience, and Consecration. HEAVY!!! Certainly He must have something much lighter for me...RIGHT? I was sharing with a friend some personal things I was going through. She suggested that I read Romans 12:1.

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

It was like a twinge of light bursting forth into an area of darkness. It reminds me of the verse in Psalm 119...Your word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light upon my path. A few days later I ordered one of Helen Roseveare's books, Living Sacrifice, based on Romans 12:1. Thanks to Amazon Prime I had it my hands two days later! 

As she shares the lessons that God taught her on the mission field, one particular story stood out above the rest to me. She had promised to help a missionary family bring their first baby into the world. As the time approached she was struck with illness (MALARIA AND JAUNDICE). She reached out to the couple and asked them to please come to her. She explained that she had been sick and that she was not up to traveling. She was met with the couples annoyance and they demanded that she fulfill her original agreement. She agreed that she would travel to them...but she was angry. Why didn't they care about her, why were they only thinking of themselves...

Her leader who had been watching her wrestle through this shared his very discerning observation with her. He said, "Helen, you need to learn that what God teaches you in your own circumstances about yourself, is to help you to understand others and to see things from their points of view." He went on to encourage her to let go of the grievance and DIE to herself and allow the Lord to bless her.

She struggled with this because she had been misunderstood and judged. 

As I read it even I thought it was UNFAIR....

Unfair...what a word. The Lord started replaying different memories in my life where I felt people had been unfair. Times that I had been mistreated or hurt and He gave me an invitation to die. He gave me an invitation to give up my RIGHTS. As a Woman living in America in the 21st century I have been raised to understand my RIGHTS. But as a CHRISTIAN who belongs to an Eternal Kingdom...do I understand that God has THE RIGHT to ask me to sacrifice and suffer (how little or how much is up to HIM) for His name? 

That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.

Philippians 3:10

As I sit in my home filled with luxuries and comforts and enjoy my health, marriage, friendships, and freedom I am being met with the Holy Spirit asking me, "Am I worthy?"

I'm not sure what sacrifices he will ask me to make. But as Corrie Ten Boom said "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known GOD."

Help Us to Shine Brightly...

When we have a hero or we look up to someone, often times, we find inspiration in the way that they live, the choices they make. Something about their character inspires us to be better people, braver, to love more, to extend grace, to do justice, and so much more. Often times when I have been let down within the Christian community I've been given the excuse  "I am just a person". While that is true, I pray that we would become a people with greater character. People that can be depended upon. People that inspire the world around us.

I was asked recently who my heroes were. They all had a common thread, Courage. They didn't back down in the face of adversity. They wouldn't be shut up. They stood for something. They too were just people, but they were people that exhibited great character. Truly, they inspire me!

Amy Carmichael was ostracized from the christian community. She was looked at as a rebellious woman. She had a fiery spirit. God used that. When women were riding horses side saddle with their hair pulled tightly back, she was the kind that let her hair down and road bare back. She never answered to her missions board. She found their request unspiritual and draining. She lived counter culturally in India. She saved and hid little children who were being used in temple prostitution. She risked her life to live for Jesus. She actively lived out her faith. In her time many said that she was unruly and questioned her antics. Yet her legacy lives on as a courageous woman of God.

Corrie Ten Boom was faced with a choice to hide Jews in her home, or turn away as they were led off to concentration camps to be killed. The decision she and her family made landed them in prison and cost both her sister and elderly father their lives.Yet she still said yes! Use me God! She decided to stand up against injustice. Because of her obedience she went on to minister to the German people after the war and became an example for christians everywhere.

The apostle Paul tells us to follow him as he follows Christ. While we are certainly not suppose make people idols in our lives, we can, and should have examples of people who have gone before us following the Lord Jesus Christ with All of their HEARTS and Souls.

Sweet Bride of Christ, our time here on the earth is short. This is not the time to blur the lines. We are living in a time when evil is called good, and good is called evil. It is not the time to grow weak or shrink back. We need to ask God for boldness, courage, and strength. We need to ask God to make us people with great character. The bible teaches that many will fall away in the last days, becoming lovers of self, following teachings that their itching ears want to hear. We have been given a task here on the earth. We have been chosen to share the Gospel near and far so that people might be saved! I am praying for the precious bride of Christ to stand up,arise, awaken to be people with great character, to be ministers of Grace and truth, and to Shine bright in this dark world.

Without sharing to in-depth I have been grieved more times than I would like to admit by the choices I am seeing the church make. Choices not to live biblically. Choices not to hold unrepentant church members to biblical standards. A refusal to acknowledge the depth of hurt that this type of sin causes the bride. It is a sad day when the world has laws to protect victims from abuse and yet the church chooses to turn their heads... If you are offended by this or think this lacks grace I ask you to allow the Holy Spirit to search and show you if there is any truth to this.

May we say YES to the Lord. May we learn obedience, leaning heavily upon His abounding Grace when we fall. We will never be perfect church but may we allow the potter to mold us into beautiful vessels of His truth and Grace.

When we decide to follow Jesus instead of the crowd, we find that He leads us into the darkest places providing an opportunity for us to shine brightly for Him.

I'm saying Goodbye...

Within the last few weeks it feels as though my heart has been wrenched. I stood before 30 or more people and shared testimony of what God is doing in my life. We usually think of testimonies as being heart warming and life changing moments, but mine has been riddled with pain, and in certain moments, confusion.

You see, early on in my walk with Christ, I remember being faced with a decision. I could choose to live by His precious Grace sustaining me or I could to live by the law. I remember people wanted me to change so badly. Heck, I've felt that way about others...but they were not okay with the "process", or how much of a mess it was. I walked into the church a MESS...let's rephrase that, A HOT MESS!!! One thing I can tell you though is that I was in deep love with Jesus my Lord and Savior. My heart was so tender to His refining touch. I wanted, NO, I  Needed Him to change me. People were amazed at how quickly I grew in the knowledge of the bible...and they expected maturity from me as a babe in the Lord. Which again, is not a bad thing...It's just hard when you really are trying to follow Christ and those around keep telling you it's not good enough. 

So I screwed up, BIG!! I had been gossiped about...meaning Church leaders were discussing their deep concern for my life. I remember the Lord giving me a vision of whom had started the fire. Those morsels of gossip caused deep pain and confusion. In complete and utter hurt, I began attending a different church. I never stopped reading my bible, I never stopped praying and seeking His will for my life. But, in my leaving I had broken relationships. It weighed heavily on my soul. When I returned to the church I became the prized pupil. I did everything that was expected of me and more. It seemed to gain me alot of acceptance...It wasn't that hard really, Other than.... I had to quiet the Holy Spirit and listen to Mans voice. Truly isn't that what we all want? ACCEPTANCE!! What price are you willing to pay to have it? What might someone ask you to give up in order to receive it?

A few months into this I remember sitting down for my morning devotional time and receiving a rhema word from the Lord. He gave me this from Revelation 2:4..Nina, return to your first love and do the things you did at first!!! That seemed scary to me though. To trust and rely on His spirit and grace. I had done that. People had gotten upset with me. They had rejected me. So I was discipled to listen to man. I continued on in this for years. Man gaining more and more of my life. Me losing more and more of my self...not in the good way.

Then something happened. Deep incredible hurt and betrayal from man wounding both my husband and I. Rendering us paralyzed. Funny thing is, during this time we heard things like, "you shouldn't put man on a pedestal, Maybe I was an idol in your life, if your not listening to leadership then you are rebelling, hide the stuff you are going through because people need someone to follow." When this hurt entered into our lives it exposed just how desperate a need for Jesus Christ we actually had. You see, we aren't good people...but we are people who cling to the Lord. I laid down my list of legalisms that I could check to see just how very good I was doing and I chose to cling. People turned their backs on us, friends, BROTHERS!! There we were, alone and in pain. When you go through, deep soul searing pain, lists and legalisms and mans approval, just don't seem to cut it. The careful cookie cutter christian mirage faded. It meant nothing to me anymore.

So my testimony, I laid down caring what man thinks of me. I've been asked by my Savior if I am willing to follow Him to the ends of the earth, If I am willing to follow Him at any and all cost. My answer is YES LORD!! Whatever I might lose is nothing in comparison to what I will gain. My life will NOT be pristine it will be messy as I follow MY Savior who died and poured out His BLOOD to save His people. So I am saying GOODBYE to christian culture and HELLO TO LIFE ABUNDANT HIDDEN IN CHRIST JESUS!! Maybe as many of the Pharisees had to do...I will leave you with these words...Be careful with one another, you are dealing with hearts and souls.

Adventure

God has changed me and blessed me in more ways than I can even process at the moment. My trip started out very eventful. As I was driving to the airport I drove into a thunderstorm with heavy rain. My already jagged nerves frayed a little more. I actually asked God why He was letting worst fears come true...traveling especially in bad weather is like one of my worst fears. I get to the airport to find out that my flight to New Jersey has been cancelled due to bad weather. So I flew to Cleveland where I was told that my flight had been cancelled due to bad weather and that they would put me on a flight to Detroit. I waited for about 15 minutes to hear the final verdict...my flight to New York was no longer cancelled. So off to New York we went. When I stepped off of the plane I felt like I was already in another country. No one around me was speaking English and people were not very friendly. I kept trying to find my way to my gate with heavy bags...at least my adrenaline was keeping me going. I met my first friend on this leg of the flight. Her name is Carmen and she was returning home to Croatia. We watched each others bags and made friendly conversation. Being a very relational person the people that I met on this trip will forever be etched on my heart. Our flight from New York to Frankfurt was delayed. When we got on the plane our captain announced that he did not want to be late so we would be getting to Frankfurt in 6 hours and 20 minutes. Let me just say  that my stomach did not enjoy that flight :) that is where I met Oliver. He sat down down next me with a thick smell of alcohol rolling from his tongue and a very cheerful countenance. We chatted for a bit and the question arose, why was I going to Romania? I sat there for a moment thanking God for this total open door to share with Oliver. I answered, "God". Oliver immedeay was interested. He was very eager to hear about why God would be taking me to Romania. I shared my testimony of how God had saved me and Jon, I shared with him Gods grace and forgiveness and Oliver was so intrigued. He told me that I was the first Christian that made sense to him. Oliver went on to tell me about his beliefs in God...I listened quietly rembering  the silly things that I believed before surrendering everything to Jesus. Oliver is a seeker of God...I believe that God was so faithful to his seeking heart to sit us by one another. I hope and pray to see Oliver again someday. Just think of all the things God was doing in the background to orchestrate this meeting. Once I finally arrived in Budapest my flight was late and I had no way of contacting Dave and Lili to find out what bus I was suppose to be on. On top of everything my bags were lost. I had been awake for 24 hours at this point and had not yet eaten for the day and it was past 3:00pm. I was very weak and frightened. I felt very alone. I went to go and file a lost bag report and the employee had compassion for me and allowed me to call Dave and Lili and I found out my bus information. I sat for the next 2 and 1/2 hours in the Budapest airport praying and extremely jet lagged. I now know the meaning of that word! When I saw my driver I jumped up with joy and renewed excitement. Praise God for the endurance and strength he supernaturally gave me. I could literally feel people's prayers. We began our drive to Cluj Romania....eastern European roads and European drivers....not sure what to say. It was a two lane road that was very busy...people have to pass one another quite often...I saw the front of WAY to many semi trucks heading directly at me! About 11:00pm we entered the mountains. Our driver was extremely tired. We stopped of off for coffee. I just prayed that we would get there in one piece. I met a Romanian guy in the van named Levi. It helped to pass the time to talk with him and he called Dave and Lili for me as well. Finally at 1:30 am I made it to Cluj...the driver took me to the wrong spot lol...but we called Dave and Lili and they were there within moments...The Lord did so much work I'm my heart. He taught me to trust, He showed me that when everything seems crazy on the earth he is working EVERYTHING out for my good to change me more into the image of Jesus, He humbled and quieted my soul, he showed me my great dependency upon Him, he showed me His faithfulness and great care for his children....and so much more. I will not be coming home the same and that is for sure. The Lord did not bring me to Romania for a wedding, He also took me deeper in my understanding of who he is. I am so thankful....please be praying for my trip home...